Secret Smile
by CertainlyUncertain
Summary: Brian and Justin share a moment, where Brian tells Justin about the first time he knew it was love - or something like it. Rated T for language. It is QAF, after all.


**AN: So, I really had no intention whatsoever of writing this. In fact, I've been working on something entirely different, but this scene absolutely refused to leave my head, so I wrote it down. I don't really expect that very many people will read this, because I know this show is really old, but I've only just discovered it, and it seriously has a way of getting under your skin (in a good way). **

**Anyway, this is set towards the end of season 4. So Brian and Justin are more or less happy, but Brian's still a little emotionally reserved. It's just a little one-shot scene between them. Enjoy!**

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Justin lay contentedly on Brian's chest, still sweaty and slightly sticky from their exertions. He absentmindedly traced patterns onto Brian's chest with his forefinger as Brian ran a hand through his hair. Brian's head was lying back on the pillows of his bed, and his eyes were closed, relaxing in the warmth and comfort of his lover's embrace.

"Brian?" Justin whispered softly, adjusting himself to curl into Brian's side.

"Mmmm?" came the lazy response.

"When did you know that you loved me?" The question held a playful – almost teasing – tone, but beneath the innocence, Brian sensed that Justin was asking a question that he genuinely wanted the answer to. Determined to play along, however, Brian opened his eyes and looked down at the man lying next to him.

"God, who ever said anything about_ love_?" came Brian's typically knee-jerk reaction.

"Come on," Justin half smiled "You know what I mean. When did you decide I was more than just a trick-turned-stalker?"

"You mean, when did I decide you were worth keeping around?"

"Sure, if that's how you want to phrase it."

Brian sighed, threw his head back down on the pillows, and pretended to think.

"You know, I'm still not convinced."

He laughed as Justin slapped him playfully on the chest.

"Don't give me any of that shit." Justin laughed, but his tone quickly sobered. "Seriously, though. I want to know."

"What do you want me to say? You want to hear me praise the talents? Well, you give a sensational blow job, and you make this cute little noise right before you -"

"That's not what I mean." Justin interrupted as Brian chuckled. "I'm not asking for a cheap compliment, I'm asking because I genuinely want to know."

Brian kissed Justin's forehead but didn't say anything. In spite of all his teasing, he did briefly allow himself to consider the question. He had never given it very much thought. Justin had just been this kid that he couldn't get rid of, until, somehow, he found that he craved his company and felt happier when he walked in a room. But he had never given any thought to how Justin won his place. Now that he did, he was surprised to find that there was actually moment, a tipping point. The smile that ghosted Brian's features held a darkness to it as he recalled the moment.

"I remember." He rolled onto his side so he could look at Justin while he spoke. "It was outside Woody's, that time that Chris Hobbs came to Liberty Avenue, you remember?" Justin nodded but didn't say anything. "Right, well, I wanted nothing more than to punch the shit out of him, but you held me back and then just…" Brian trialed off as he tried to find the right words. "You just went to town on the guy. Humiliated him, attacked him. It was fucking hot, watching you stand up for yourself like that. You were brave and funny and completely stupid. And suddenly I knew, while you were shooting your mouth off to the whole fucking neighbourhood, that there was more to you than that sad, lovesick puppy routine you'd been pulling. It's funny, you'd been spending every moment since we met trying to impress me, but that was the first time you actually managed it." Brian smiled grimly at Justin.

"I remember." Justin spoke up. "All you said was 'congratulations. You've just made yourself a real enemy.'"

Brian nodded.

"As amazing as you were, you were also such a fucking idiot." Brian paused. "And I was scared for you."

"Well, you were clearly right to be."

Brian didn't answer. The silence stretched between them as they remembered the ramifications of that night.

"Still, it's an odd choice," Justin continued speaking, ignoring the tension of painful memories. "You fell in love with me when I was being my most stupid and reckless?"

Brian shrugged.

"There had been moments before that when I didn't totally hate your company. But that was the first time you were doing something for yourself. What can I say? It was a turn on."

Thinking that Brian wouldn't say anything more, Justin readjusted himself in hiss arms and was just on the edge of sleep when he heard Brian's voice whisper softly in his ear.

"You also have a smile that lights up the room." He kissed Justin again on the forehead, and continued speaking in a slow, soft voice. "And I can hear your laugh in my head even when you aren't around. You haunted me, even after the very first time. There was always something different about you. Something special. People gravitate towards you and you don't even notice. You managed to win over everyone else, Deb, Mel, Linds, Emmet, and you weren't even fucking them. You're just… beautiful."

Justin didn't say anything for a long time after Brian finished speaking. He wasn't used to this new honest Brian. The only thing he could think of to do was to lift himself off Brian's chest to capture his lips in a kiss, before he settled back down on the bed. He knew from experience that it was important not to push it with Brian. And he was suddenly afraid that if he said anything kind in return the bubble would burst, and Brian would return to the glib, sarcastic asshole that Justin knew so well. So instead, he said nothing and chose instead to fall asleep, cradled in the arms of the man he loved.

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**AN: Thoughts? Questions? Comments? xx**


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